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Blogs Eric Reads
Archive for the ‘April Fools Day 2008’ Category
Republican for a Day
I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be a Republican for a day. Luckily, I only have to do it one day of the year. Happy April Fools Day!
Chris Matthews Respects the President
Liberal America haters booed President Bush at the Washington Nationals home opener. Chris Matthews is right to say that Bush “has a lot of guts” because “all politicians get booed.” Right on, Chris. Way to respect our president.
Food Stamps are for Welfare Queens
Yesterday, the Jew York Times reported that more and more people are using food stamps because they don’t have jobs. Ha! Food stamps are for welfare queens. If food stampers would just get up off of their lazy liberal (and black?) asses and get jobs, then they wouldn’t need to be on food stamps. Pretty obvious, I’d think.
Oh, but there was some good news in the article:
The percentage of Americans receiving food stamps was higher after a recession in the 1990s, but actual numbers are expected to be higher this year.
Expectations don’t mean anything until they come true. Meanwhile, it’s all Bill Clinton’s fault.
Freedom (of Speech) Isn’t Free
Dear President Bush,
As we loyal Americans all know, the president’s wartime powers under the Constitution gives the president the authority to do anything he feels necessary, even if it would otherwise be unconstitutional. There are some people in this country who, despite the fact that 9/11 changed everything, don’t realize that their hateful America-hating endangers our troops and strengthens the al Qaeda-Iran alliance. Therefore, I hope that you will use your unlimited constitutional wartime to authority to to rescind the following traitors’ right to freedom of speech:
- Markos Moulitsas Zúniga and the editors of DailyKos.com: they want more Americans to die by preventing you from using FISA to spy on us.
- Writers of Sadly, No!: they regularly harass loyal Republicans and disrespect wholesome Christian music; possible al Qaeda sleeper cell.
- John Cole: committed treason by leaving Republican party and is occasionally proud of having done so.
- Center for American Progress: publishers of ThinkProgress, a compilation of America-hatred.
- Washington Nationals fans: disrespected you during a war.
- Keith Olbermann: called you the worst person in the world.
- Crooks and Liars: thinks the terrorists you’re keeping at Gitmo are innocent (with a name like that, they should really write about themselves).
- AmericaBlog: trying to get your loyal supporters kicked out of Congress; takes the name of America in vain.
Freedom isn’t free, not even freedom of speech. I hope you will take appropriate action against these haters.
Patriotically yours,
CrazyDrumGuy
Why the Surge Is Working
Defeatocrats and their allies in the UK, Australia, and the liberal media are always quick to call the glorious surge in Iraq a failure. Morons.
They’re wrong, of course, but the question is why? How do the rest of us know that the surge is working when Nazi Pelosi and her band of idiots can’t figure it out?
It’s simple, really. We the know the surge is working because the president says so.
Over the past year, we have seen significant security gains result from the surge. Less visible are the political and economic changes taking place — from major pieces of legislation being passed to simple signs of normalcy. This progress isn’t glamorous, but it is important. And that’s what I’m here to talk about today.
…
General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker will provide more details about the progress of the surge when they testify before Congress early next month. But this much is clear: The surge is doing what it was designed to do. It’s helping Iraqis reclaim security and restart political and economic life. It is bringing America closer to a key strategic victory in the war against these extremists and radicals.
See, the president says the surge is working, so the surge is working. And I found this on a website called America.gov, which is the perfect place to go since it tells the government’s official (i.e. true) story and has America in the URL. Maybe if the morans in left blogistan checked here, they realize that everything is going fine.
I’m A Republican Now
This ridiculous Democrat primary has sealed the deal for me. I’ve had it with this defeatism, America hating, and other liberal bullshit. As soon as I get a chance, I’m changing my voter registration to Republican.
Screw hope, forget change. Maintaining the status quo is the way to go from now on.