Wanker of Yesterday
Update: And the wankery continues today.
Archive for posts ‘Bill Clinton’
Birthers Keep Mixing Up Africa and Australia
- The fake Kenyan birth certificate being shopped around by the birthers yesterday looks like it was copied from an Australian birth certificate. So does that make Obama a New Zealander? (Washington Independent)
- Sen. Mike Enzi (R-WY) is single-handedly in control of the healthcare debate in the Senate. Good thing he represents such a populous state! (The Hill)
- Former President Bill Clinton is off to North Korea to negotiate the release of two American journalists sentenced to prison. Hopefully everyone knows what the definition of “release” is. (BBC)
- Thanks to federal policies of giving bonuses even when jobs are not well done, government contractors are the only people in America who are not poors. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
- Levi Johnston will appear on the cover of Vanity Fair in honor of his having had sex with Sarah Palin’s daughter. (Anchorage Daily News)
- Harry Reid does not care for the birthers or the Republican members of Congress who encourage them. Where is Harry Reid’s birth certificate?!!?! (Ben Smith)
Ex-Presidents Can’t Fill Auditorium
Poor George W. Bush and Bill Clinton! Now that we have a black president, it seems that nobody cares about our white ex-presidents:
David Bester is a man willing to go to great lengths for a spectacular show. Indie rock band The Hold Steady is worth it, he says. U.S. Presidents numbers 42 and 43 are not.
So he’s selling the two tickets he purchased to tomorrow afternoon’s “conversation” between George W. Bush and Bill Clinton at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre for less than their $189 face value.
…
Organizer Christian Darbyshire yesterday said “400 or 500″ tickets were still available from a total of 6,000.A call to the ticket hotline confirmed that general admission tickets are still available at $229, but anyone willing to ask around can probably get their hands on discounted seats.Ryerson alumni recently received an unsolicited e-mail offering tickets for $189, as did other organizations, after the company co-ordinating the event, Power Within, hawked a discount offer in a bid to extend publicity.
Why is Canada being such a “reverse racist” by not spending just 200 CanadaBucks on our former Leaders of the Free World, who could barely put together gas money for the drive up to Toronto because of the recession and/or socialism?
Don’t Regulate the Economy While Drunk
- Japanese Finance Minister Shoichi Nakagawa will resign his post after appearing drunk at a press conference. Honestly, with the Japanese economy in the tank, who’s surprised that he spent the night at the bar? (MarketWatch/YouTube)
- Speaking of economic disasters, California still has no budget thanks to Republicans who refuse to vote for one. Hmmm, where have we seen this before? Now the Governator will have to fire 10,000 state employees and cut 275 public works projects, including upgrades to bridges to prevent them from falling down in earthquakes. On top of that, the projects will also cost more money to shut down than it would cost to keep them working. Fiscal conservatism at its finest! (Los Angeles Times)
- Bill Clinton, who was almost the First Lady right now, says that Obama did the right thing with the stimulus package and that Republicans don’t really understand that bipartisanship means working with Democrats. (DailyKosTV)
- Four Tennessee Republican legislators have jumped on the “Obama is not an American” bandwagon and have joined a lawsuit demanding to see Obama’s birth certificate. Okay people, here it is. And for those who are freaking out about it being a copy of the certificate, read where it says, “This copy serves as prima facie evidence of the fact of birth in any court proceeding.” Mmkay? (Tennessean/Fight the Smears)
- Ex-Presdent George W. Bush never did pardon Scooter Libby, and this has made Dick Cheney very, very angry. A warning to the former president: I wouldn’t go hunting with Dick any time soon if I were you. (New York Daily News)
You Will Never Escape from Sarah Palin
- Meet SarahPAC, the Palin counterpart to Hillary Clinton’s HillPAC. Because as we all learned this election, women will vote for any female candidate regardless of her political ideology! That’s why Vice President Palin needs all your hard-earned cash right now please! (MSNBC)
- Terry McAuliffe was in New York City last week throwing a party with Bill Clinton and some investment bankers (aka the only people in this country who still have money and haven’t donated it to SarahPAC) to raise money for his campaign for Governor of, um… Virginia. Which is not in New York. Hm. (Washington Post)
- President Obama remains the most popular man in America, which is impressive considering that his real supporters are still hungover from inauguration parties. (CNN)
- Back when Dick Cheney was in charge, the location of his Evil Doom Lair was blurred out on Google Maps, but Vice President Biden has opened up his residence for all to zoom-in on! Google says they have nothing to do with the blurring or unblurring of the Vice Presidential mansion. I suspect Cheney has Google CEO Eric Schmidt in his Jedi force choke. (Wired/Los Angeles Times/YouTube)
- For lack of any better way to say it, I’m just going to quote this directly: “The nation’s current recession is likely to be the longest since World War II, and by some measures could be the worst since the Great Depression, a new Congressional Budget Office forecast said Tuesday.” (McClatchy)
Update: For the lulz, take a look at the SarahPAC logo.
Basically her plan for America is to cut a huge Alaska-shaped hole out of it because Country First amirite? What’s really funny is that she’ll be taking out a good portion of “Real America,” which is defined as all the states that voted for her and that old guy who kept staring at her ass.
More Thursday Update
Today is not a slow news day.
- It’s a Christmas miracle! Google Chrome, the greatest web browser since Firefox, is officially out of beta. This is especially impressive since GMail is still in beta and probably will be forever. (Slashdot)
- The epic failure of print media continues! Now, it’s Newsweek that has plans to slash staff, purge pages, and slim subscriptions. Alliteration makes breaking bad news easy and fun! (Wall Street Journal)
- Sen. Dick Lugar, ranking Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, says he will not ask the committee to call Bill Clinton as a witness at Hillary Clinton’s confirmation hearing for Secretary of State. Too bad, C-Span almost got interesting for a minute. (TPM Election Central)
- Illinois Rep. Jan Schakowsky has confirmed that she will run in a special election fill Barack Obama’s vacated Senate seat. The only problem with her brilliant plan, though, is that a special election hasn’t actually been declared yet, and since any bill to call a special election would have to be signed by Gov. Blagodouche, who knows what could happen? (Huffington Post)
Sunday Blogging, Christmas Cross-Burning Edition
- Celebrate the election of the first Black Presidizzle of the USA by putting this burning cross on your front lawn! That’s the message from the American Family Association, which is offering this “beautiful Christmas Cross” on their website for only $81.85 + shipping and handling. This year, the science-hating, gay-hating, and generally hateful AFA is honoring the Baby Jesus Ku Klux Klan style. Ugh. Makes me want to declare a war on Christmas. (AFA Online via Balloon Juice)
- Meanwhile, in the sane world, Barack Obama’s election has spurred the Iraqi cabinet to approve a security agreement that will set a January 1, 2011 deadline for the withdrawal of American troops. Said one Iraqi politician, “If Republicans were still there, there would be no respect for this timetable. This is a positive step to have the same theory about the timetable as Mr. Obama.” (New York Times)
- The 2008 election continues! Bill Clinton is heading to Georgia to campaign for Democratic Senate candidate Jim Martin. Martin is looking to replace Shameless Saxby Chambliss who, if you’ll recall, was responsible for the despicable ad in 2002 that put triple amputee and true American hero Max Cleland on the same screen as Osama bin Laden. If you live in Georgia, make sure you vote on December 2! (CNN)
- And finally, the GOP Civil War took to the airwaves this morning, with Bobby Jindal, Newt Gingrich, Tim Pawlenty, and Michael Steele all making the rounds on the Sunday talk shows. Arnold Schwarzenegger was also on TV this morning which I find weird since, y’know, his state is on fire again. (Associated Press)
The End Is Nigh
In addition to Tom Vilsack’s comments earlier today, here are just a few more clues that Hillary Clinton may be ending her campaign this week.
Hillary Clinton has summoned top donors and backers to attend her New York speech tomorrow night in an unusual move that is being widely interpreted to mean she plans to suspend her campaign and endorse Barack Obama – if not that night, within a day or two.
Obama and Clinton spoke Sunday night and agreed that their staffs should begin negotiations over post-primary activities, according to reliable sources. In addition to seeking Obama’s help in raising money to pay off some $20 million-plus in debts, Clinton is known to want Obama to assist black officials who endorsed her and who are now taking constituent heat, including, in some cases, primary challenges from pro-Obama politicians.
Staffers have been asked to turn in their final expense requests:
Clinton Campaign staffers and former campaign staffers are being urged by the Clinton campaign’s finance department to turn in their outstanding expense receipts by the end of the week. That’s a sign, to them, that the campaign wants to get its affairs in order soon. If Clinton were staying in the race, there’d be no real reason to collect these receipts now; she’d still be raising and spending money from the same primary campaign account. The campaign is in arrears to the tune of about $11 million.
The Clinton campaign has no plans for staffers after Wednesday:
ABC News’ Kate Snow and Sarah Amos Report: For those reading the tea leaves, there are strong signs the Clinton campaign may be preparing for the end.
Late last night an email went out to advance staffers– the folks who usually prepare sites for future Clinton campaign events. The memo indicated that there was nothing on Sen. Hillary Clinton’s schedule beyond a speech scheduled for the AIPAC conference on Wed morning in Washington.
The email told staffers this was not goodbye but there were no plans and therefore no locations where their services would be needed for now.
Even Bill Clinton thinks this might be the end of the road:
“I want to say also that this may be the last day I’m ever involved in a campaign of this kind,” the former president told Clinton supporters in South Dakota, ABC and NBC reported on their news websites.
“I thought I was out of politics, till Hillary decided to run. But it has been one of the greatest honors of my life to go around and campaign for her for president,” he added at the start of his stump speech.
Tuesday night could be interesting. It’s time to start working on how Barack Obama will beat John McCain.
Bill Clinton to Young Voters: Shut Up, Idiots
According to the Big Dog, we youngsters support Obama because we’re morons:
Older voters gravitate to Hillary Clinton because they’re too wise to be fooled by Barack Obama’s rhetoric, former president Bill Clinton told Pennsylvania voters today.
…
“I think there is a big reason there’s an age difference in a lot of these polls,” he said. “Because once you’ve reached a certain age, you won’t sit there and listen to somebody tell you there’s really no difference between what happened in the Bush years and the Clinton years; that there’s not much difference in how small-town Pennsylvania fared when I was president, and in this decade.”
Well, that’s certainly one way to help your wife win a major voting demographic this election. Just remind us of how stupid we are until we realize the error of our ways and tell our latte-drinking, Volvo-driving friends to vote for Hillary. Of course, I worked for the Obama campaign in Missouri as well as voting for him in Virginia, so I guess I must have been really hoodwinked.
Whoops, did I say “hoodwinked” (warning: stupidity at link)? I think I might have activated the Black Pantherbot 3000.™ Uh oh, I hope it isn’t set to “Get Whitey.”
Food Stamps are for Welfare Queens
Yesterday, the Jew York Times reported that more and more people are using food stamps because they don’t have jobs. Ha! Food stamps are for welfare queens. If food stampers would just get up off of their lazy liberal (and black?) asses and get jobs, then they wouldn’t need to be on food stamps. Pretty obvious, I’d think.
Oh, but there was some good news in the article:
The percentage of Americans receiving food stamps was higher after a recession in the 1990s, but actual numbers are expected to be higher this year.
Expectations don’t mean anything until they come true. Meanwhile, it’s all Bill Clinton’s fault.
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