- Iran now has the capability to send “a mouse, several turtles and worms” into space. Oh God! WHO WILL SAVE US FROM THE IRANIAN SPACE WORM?!?!? (Voice of America)
- Oh look, not torturing the underpants bomber has produced meaningful results. It’s almost like we have a functioning criminal justice system in this country! (NYT)
- Adobe and Apple are going to war with each other because of Steve Jobs’ famed new women’s hygiene product, the iPad. (ZDNet)
- Ugh, apparently al-Qaeda is not done attacking us even though the whole underpants bomb thing didn’t work. (WSJ)
- The Democratic and Republican primaries for Illinois governor are both too close to call probably because of “Chicago-style politics” or something. (Chicago Tribune)
Archive for posts ‘Iran’
Mount Obama Born Yesterday in Antigua
- Two former Blackwater employees have given sworn statements accusing founder Erik Prince of murdering whistleblowers to cover up an investigation into the security contractor. (The Nation)
- A couple of Russian submarines have come to reenact the part of The Hunt for Red October that takes place off our east coast. (Reuters)
- Your NRSC knew about John Ensign’s affair a year ago but they didn’t tell the rest of us, those jerks. (Las Vegas Sun)
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was sworn in as President of Iran yesterday admist a crisis that we just stopped caring about weeks ago because Michael Jackson died. (AFP)
- What did you give Barack Obama for his birthday yesterday? Because the tiny island nation of Antigua gave him a mountain. (AP)
- President Obama made birthday cupcakes for America’s most beloved journalistic institution, Helen Thomas. What, no mountain? (CNN Political Ticker)
Just Who Does This Obama Guy Think He Is, the President?
- President Obama called Cambridge PD Sgt. James Crowley to invite him down to the White House for a couple beers, and then Crowley will arrest him for disorderly conduct. (MSNBC First Read)
- Isn’t it weird how this whole “birther” thing never came up during the presidential race? Oh wait, that’s be cause the McCain Campaign investigated the rumors but found no evidence that Obama was not an American citizen. (Washington Independent)
- Whaaat, the Twitter is blocked in the White House? Why does the Obama administration hate those Iranian protestors (who we all stopped caring about weeks ago) so much? (Think Progress)
- Oh, here is some more stimulus spending for you. This time it’s for “education,” another one of Nobama’s socialist plots. (CNN Political Ticker)
- Your highly respected Washington Post reports that President Obama will attend “some kind of public function” in August in support of Creigh Deeds, the Democratic candidate for Virginia governor. Journalism! (WaPo Virginia Politics)
Roland Burris Has No Need for Your Elections
- Roland Burris will not run for re-election to the Senate. Or, to be more accurate, Roland Burris will not run for election, period. America’s Senator™ has no need for the little people! (Chicago Sun-Times)
- Republican sex machine Sen. John Ensign was so close to being out of the news forever, and then he had to go and get caught paying almost $100,000 to the family of the woman he slept with. Nothing says “family values” like a hundred grand in hush money. (Roll Call)
- In an interview with Al Jazeera, Newt Gingrich said that the US should use “covert operations” to blow the crap out of Iran’s oil refineries, resulting in the overthrowing of Iran’s regime. Uh, Newt? I think they get Al Jazeera in Iran, so, ummm, so much for covert. (Al Jazeera)
- Remember that time when AIG used federal bailout money to pay millions of dollars in bonuses to their executives and everyone hated them for it? They want to do it again. I doubt everyone will be super-happy about it this time, guys. (Washington Post)
- The Philadelphia swim club that kicked a summer camp out of the pool because the kids were black is being investigated by the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission. (Daily Kos)
In Soviet Russia, Birth Certificate Shows You!
- Oh no, looks like another time-out for Vice President Joe Biden as President Obama has to call home, all the way from Russia, and say, “No, Joe, it is not okay if Israel just bombs Iran whenever.” (CNN)
- Apparently Russians don’t really care about our Michelle Obama so much. For some odd reason (sexism???), they’re all much more interested in her husband. Huh. And why doesn’t the Russian media care about “the coral-hued coat and Narciso Rodriguez dress that Obama had on as she stepped off Air Force One into an unseasonably cold July afternoon,” like your American press? (Washington Post)
- New Hampshire Attorney General Kelly Ayotte is resigning in order to run for the Senate, something which she explicitly said she would not do when she was reappointed in March. Oh well! (Manchester Union Leader)
- Your American Bar Association strongly recommends that Sonia Sotomayor be appointed to the Supreme Court. Why is the American Bar Association so “reverse racist” towards white people? (CBS News)
- Alberto Gonzales, do you recall who he is? Beginning this fall, Gonzales will be teaching at Texas Tech University. Course topics include selective memory, the finer points of waterboarding, and how to harass your predecessor when he’s in the hospital. (Austin American-Statesman)
- Remember that time the Minnesota National Guard stormed Capitol Hill and forcibly removed Norm Coleman from office, replacing him with Al Franken? So does Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC). (P.S.: What is wrong with you, South Carolina voters?) (TPMDC)
All of Your Washingon Area Newspapers are Frauds
- The Washington Times. Most Washingtonians know that it is “fair and balanced” in the FOX News sense, meaning that it is run by batshit crazy right-wingers. But it is one thing to reprint Republican propaganda and another thing to email it out directly, which is what your Washington Times did when they sent a fundraising letter for John Boehner to all of their email subscribers. Hey, at least the Post pretends that their newsroom isn’t for sale. (Media Matters)
- Roger Federer defeated Andy Roddick to win his 15th Grand Slam, making him basically the greatest tennis player ever. And as a prize, Federer gets to do bong hits with Michael Phelps. (BBC Sport)
- So Iran, there is still a disputed election going on, not that America cares anymore because Michael Jackson is dead. However, a group of clerics in Qum have denounced the new government as illegitimate in defiance of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei. This could get interesting. (New York Times)
- If Sarah Palin resigned to spend more time with her family, why did her father-in-law hear about her resignation by email? Joe Palin says he was fishing when suddenly he saw on his phone that his daughter-in-law was not going to be Governor anymore. When will Sarah Palin sue Joe Palin, for saying things about her on the internet? (People)
Shorter John Bolton
- Can somebody bomb Iran now pretty pretty pleeeaaaasssseeee???
Quote of the Weekend
“Irony: protesters in Iran using twitter as com are unable to get online b/c of overposts of “Michael Jackson RIP.” Well done, ADD nation.”
It’s Been Six Months, So Why Hasn’t Barack Obama Cured Cancer Yet?
- Oh noes, there is still racism in America even though Black President! Why hasn’t Barack Obama solved all of the world’s problems, forever? (CNN)
- Congratulations to the taxpayers of South Carolina! They may have paid for Mark Sanford’s sexy sex trips to Argentina, for sex. (Politico)
- Hooray for Mittens! Mitt Romney’s popularity is soaring now that the rest of the GOP’s presidential prospects have been revealed as sex maniacs and/or morons. (MSNBC)
- Looks like Iran is no longer invited to America’s fancy Fourth of July parties, what with all the senselss killing and violence they’ve perpetrated on their people. (Washington Post)
Birther-in-Chief
- Orly Taitz, “a Laguna Niguel dentist with a law degree from an online academy,” does not care for your terrorist-lovin’ Mooslim anti-Christ fake President, Barry “Obama” al-Hussein. (Orange County Weekly) — If you need a laugh today, you should really read the full article.
- Okay, so maybe the Iranian election was a teensy-weensy bit fraudulent. A spokesman for Iran’s Guardian Council announced that over 100% of eligible voters voted in 50 cities on Iran’s Election Day. (PressTV)
- As the political crisis in Iran grows increasingly violent, Marco Rubio, a Republican candidate for Senate in Florida, has a solution: more guns! Guns for everyone! (TPMDC)
- In a reversal of his long-standing position on civil unions, Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT) now supports full marriage equality for all Americans. (Dodd.Senate.gov)
- Shep Smith’s factually accurate report on scary wingnut email sent to FOX News has resulted in–SURPRISE!–more scary wingnut email sent to FOX News. And by the way, Shep, odds are that some of them really do hate you and want death on your family. (Media Matters/New York Times)
- SHOCKING NEWS: noted sex fiend Senator John Ensign is less popular now than he was before admitting his long-term affair with an employee. (Las Vegas Review-Journal)
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