You may be tooling along on a Sunday drive in your 1932 Hupmobile when, quite unknown to you, someone else in a 1932 Hupmobile knocks off the nearby Piggly Wiggly. A passing police officer sees you and, asking himself how many 1932 Hupmobiles can there be around here, pulls you over. At that moment I can assure you the officer is not all that concerned with trying not to offend you. He is instead concerned with protecting his mortal hide from having holes placed in it where God did not intend. And you, if in asserting your constitutional right to be free from unlawful search and seizure fail to do as the officer asks, run the risk of having such holes placed in your own.

– “Jack Dunphy” (pseudonym for a NRO contributor and LAPD officer), warning that citizens who exercise their constitutional rights risk being shot. (emphasis mine)

(via)

• The Mayor of Secaucus resigned today after being charged with bribery as part of last week’s arrest of all of New Jersey and some Jews from Brooklyn. (Bloomberg/New York Daily News)
• A renter has been sued by her landlord, Horizon Realty, for a post on Twitter. The judge will issue his decision in 140 characters or less. (CNET)
• Two billion people will be infected with the swine flu according to WHO officials. That’s not too bad. I mean, it’s only a third of humanity. (Voice of America)
• Terrible WaPo columnist Richard Cohen is sad that he doesn’t get to have a beer with President Obama. (WaPo)
• Your National Review (which is most certainly not in the “liberal media”) is totally part of the conspiracy to hide the fact that Barack Obama is an alien from outer-space whose species is known for its exceptionally big ears. (NRO via Wonkette)

• Your CIA really, really wanted to to tell you, the American people, and Congress about how they’ve been spying on your for eight years, but they couldn’t because the order to deceive Congress came from the top. Which is to say, from Vice President Dick Cheney. (New York Times)
• Mark Kirkorian, contributor to America’s Shittiest Website™, thinks stores selling Obama-related merchandise should not exist even though there is clearly a market for such things. Why do Mark Kirkorian and The Corner hate capitalism so much? (The Corner, via S, N!)
• “Augustus boasted that he found Rome a city of bricks and made it a city of marble. Baghdad was another city of bricks, and a coterie of American generals turned it into a city of cement.” Heckuva job, guys. (Washington Post)
• We have Jenny Sanford to thank for Mark Sanford’s refusal to resign, because she knows that Jesus doesn’t believe in quitting, or something. (Sorry, Sarah Palin!) Anyway, thank you Jenny Sanford, for giving America your husband to kick around for another couple years. (The State)

Fortunately, thanks to the wise conservative scholars and intrepid editors who run the National Review, I know that Puerto Rico is in… Asia?

At least that’s what the cover image of this month’s magazine, titled “The Wise Latina” seems to imply. Or maybe it’s just that the nobody at this esteemed publication could imagine what a ”wise Latina” looked like so they went with a sterotypically slant-eyed Asian man. I mean those Asians are pretty intelligent, amirite?

As Jesse Taylor points out:

It’s not offensive because it’s someone else’s stereotype, like if I say a woman can’t do the same job a man can because women have hook noses and are obsessed with money.

In related news, Sonia Sotomayor is a racist for not being the Buddha.

We’re One Day Away from Changing America   [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Obama said that a few ago in Florida. Am I the only one who doesn’t want to change America in any fundamental way? Does that make me crazy? And alone?

Yes.

This has been another edition of Simple Answers to Stupid Questions. Tune in next time!