• Client #9, or “Eliot Spitzer” as he is sometimes known, is giving a lecture at Harvard’s Center for Ethics!…? However: “He’s not speaking about ethics. He’s here to talk about a research project we’re launching on institutional corruption.” So, you know, speaking from experience, then. (Boston Globe)
• What is the most offensive thing someone could say in 140 characters or less? Oh, how about equating Barack Obama with the Muslim terrorists who crashed planes full of Americans into things on 9/11? That should do it. (Denver Post)
• Lou Dobbs is quitting CNN, so probably he will just go on FOX to be appreciated for hating Mexicans. Who will CNN choose as their new token racist? (Politico)
• Haha, looks like birther lawyer Orly Taitz has suborned perjury–a.k.a. encouraged witnesses to go on the stand and lie under oath! But everyone knows that “facts” and “truth” (not to mention the entire American legal system) are all in on Obama’s conspiracy! (TPM Muckraker)
• There is only one way to get on Santa’s “nice” list this year, and that is to obtain these Sarah Palin Christmas ornaments and hang them from your Christmas tree! Of course, if Santa really wanted to help America, he’d quit delivering presents now and go on a book tour. (Wonkette)

• South Carolina Attorney General Henry McMaster wants to probe Mark Sanford. The ethics kind, that is, not the sexy Argentine kind. (AP)
• Is John Edwards the father of his mistress’ 18-month old baby? According to Raleigh’s CBS station, yes, he is. (WRAL)
• Zeke Emanuel, the Ari Gold of medicine, calls bullshit on Sarah Palin and friends’ “death panel” lie. (ABC News)
• Oh good, Sarah Palin is back on Twitter again. The Republic lives on! (CNN Political Ticker)
• Given the choice, Twittering Washingtonians would much rather follow the fake Mayor Fenty than the real one. (Citydesk)

• The Mayor of Secaucus resigned today after being charged with bribery as part of last week’s arrest of all of New Jersey and some Jews from Brooklyn. (Bloomberg/New York Daily News)
• A renter has been sued by her landlord, Horizon Realty, for a post on Twitter. The judge will issue his decision in 140 characters or less. (CNET)
• Two billion people will be infected with the swine flu according to WHO officials. That’s not too bad. I mean, it’s only a third of humanity. (Voice of America)
• Terrible WaPo columnist Richard Cohen is sad that he doesn’t get to have a beer with President Obama. (WaPo)
• Your National Review (which is most certainly not in the “liberal media”) is totally part of the conspiracy to hide the fact that Barack Obama is an alien from outer-space whose species is known for its exceptionally big ears. (NRO via Wonkette)

• President Obama called Cambridge PD Sgt. James Crowley to invite him down to the White House for a couple beers, and then Crowley will arrest him for disorderly conduct. (MSNBC First Read)
• Isn’t it weird how this whole “birther” thing never came up during the presidential race? Oh wait, that’s be cause the McCain Campaign investigated the rumors but found no evidence that Obama was not an American citizen. (Washington Independent)
• Whaaat, the Twitter is blocked in the White House? Why does the Obama administration hate those Iranian protestors (who we all stopped caring about weeks ago) so much? (Think Progress)
• Oh, here is some more stimulus spending for you. This time it’s for “education,” another one of Nobama’s socialist plots. (CNN Political Ticker)
• Your highly respected Washington Post reports that President Obama will attend “some kind of public function” in August in support of Creigh Deeds, the Democratic candidate for Virginia governor. Journalism! (WaPo Virginia Politics)

• Distinguished New York Times columnist Ross Douthat is very concerned that Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor, together, will finally be able to Get Whitey. (NYT)
• Freshman Rep. Blaine Luetkemeyer (R-MO) is so good at science that he knows global warming is a fraud even though he hasn’t read any of the UN’s reports on the subject. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
• Chris Christie, Republican candidate for Governor of New Jersey, announced his running mate on Twitter. Our national discourse has officially been reduced to 140 characters or less. (CNN Political Ticker)
• Now that he has been released from federal prison, will horrible human being Michael Vick be allowed to play football again? Inquiring minds want to know! (WUSA)
• Our National Deathtrap, the Red line, will continue to experience delays forever, or at least until the end of the week. Boo Metro! (DCist)

• Not just South Carolina anymore! Half of all Americans think Mark Sanford should just resign already. Bad America! Why won’t you leave Mark Sanford alone to write his mysterious sex book in peace? (CNN)
• DC, your Real World cast arrives today! People are just camping out in front of the house waiting to tweet, on Twitter, about the Real World people! Who are the real douches in this story? (Washington CityPaper)
• Congratulations America! You are fat, and getting fatter. Huzzah! And a special shoutout to Mississippi, where a whole third of residents are medically obese. And here I thought that new KFC Grilled Chicken was going to solve all of our fatness problems. (Reuters/KFC)
• McCain staffers! You must immediately prove that you have never ever ever said anything mean about Saint Sarah Palin, Our Lady of You Betcha. Otherwise, the distinguished gentlemen at RedState will beat you up, or something. (RedState)
• Hands off the Blackberry, Virginians! It is now illegal to send or read text messages or emails while driving. Of course, you can only get busted for it if you are already doing something illegal at the same time, in which case you probably deserve the extra $20 fine, for stupidity. Any bets on which Member of Congress will be the first to get busted for “sexting” while driving? (Washington Post)

(Twitter via CNN)